Beyond the Darkness
by sylvanfyre
Summary: My first fanfic! Anyways, after order of the phoenix, Sirius reminisces about his seven years at Hogwarts while he is stuck behind the veil. All the old characters, plus some new...
1. Behind the Veil

A/N: Hey all, this is my first fanfic, so be kind, please! If you must flame me, include some constructive criticism, kay? So, on with the story!

Background info: It's all from Sirius's point of view, and it alternates between flashbacks and his thoughts beyond the veil.

Disclaimer: All characters, places, ideas, and all other Harry Potter stuff belong to J. K. Rowling, the goddess of writing, except for the ones you don't recognize, which are mine.

Beyond the Darkness

Chapter 1: Behind the Veil

_What the hell happened?! I'm not…real…anymore. Oh dear Merlin, what happened? Just a minute ago I was taunting Bellatrix and she caught me off my guard, something that would've never happened if I hadn't been cooped up in that filthy old shack for so long. I fell, yes, and stumbled a little, but then, the lights went off. All of them. And now...I can't see a damn thing._

_What's that noise? I need to get out of here, where's Harry? Is he safe? Is the prophecy safe? Where the hell am I?!? Is that my heart I'm hearing or…something else? Something just…went through me, oh no I need to get out, what happened, I can't see a thing and Harry's face, he looked so stunned,  I need to tell him that I'm ok, oh no –_

_It just touched, no I mean, went through me. It felt distinctly like an icy shower, but no, I'm imagining it. Wait a sec, I can see through the veil on the dais again. Moony's holding Harry back…wait what's going on?! Dumbledore is there, Harry – no come back! I can see you! What's happening?! Oh I can hear them, faintly. WHY can't I lift the curtain anymore!? Oh…I can't believe it…Moony, brilliant loyal Moony, just said that I'm --…NO IT'S NOT TRUE! I'm not – I can come back! No! Harry! HARRY!!!_

_***_

_I just blacked out for a while…Haha I'm so hilarious, Sirius Black blacking out, hah! NO! Stop it! You can't start going off now…but this place is so much like Azkaban…except instead of reminding me of… of…James…and Lily…that night…I'm reminded of both  happy and sad memories. My life – flashing before my eyes.. Happy? Since when did dementors make me happy? No, I've…I've got to admit it to myself, alright? I've – I've gone on. I'm…dead? But I'm not a ghost…I need to get back to Harry, he's going to be worrying, and I have no idea how long I've been unconscious…but…I'm dead so I'm never going to conscious again, am I…_

_Focus, Sirius.__ You can come up with some ingenious plan to get out of here, right? Ha talking to myself isn't exactly the greatest plan though. But then again…have I ever heard of someone who was brought back from death…oh…Voldemort. But he was immersed in the Dark Arts and he tried to make himself immortal…so how can I still think? Or is this just a memory of myself? It must be…it must be like Harry said last year, when he saw Cedric and James and Lily come out of Voldemort's wand…it must be like that…only…hey I can see! But no, it's like looking into a dense black cloud, just like that time James and I…oh the memories…I could just lose myself forever in them –_

A/N: Yeah yeah, I know it's a short chapter, but it'll get better soon, I promise! Anyway, review please! I'll love you forever if you do!


	2. Beginnings

A/N: No reviews yet…=(…please? If you don't like it, then tell me why, k?

Disclaimer: Yada yada yada…you know what goes in here…J. K. Rowling thought it all up, except for characters you don't recognize.

Chapter 2: Beginnings

"Sirius! What are you doing!"

My mother was screaming at me. Typical, really. You would've thought that she would quiet down. I mean, really. Father had just died, for Merlin's sake.

I was examining the big tapestry hanging in the drawing room when Kreacher came to find me.

"Young Master, Mistress commands that you come downstairs to meet the guests. Regulus is already there, and Mistress is very very angry."

Kreacher was the new house-elf. He had already developed a deep disliking for me, probably fueled by Mother's comments about my disobedience. The last house-elf was Tarry, and you know, that's just what he did. He tarried and delayed doing all his tasks, and he certainly enraged Mother by doing so.

After he dropped a tea tray (Regulus tripped him, but nobody believed me, as usual), dear Aunt Elladora came in and told Mother all about how much easier it was to just "dispose" of useless house-elves. I remember hiding in the closet and peeking through the crack between the door and wall as Regulus led a calm, unknowing Tarry into the kitchen, hearing the murmuring voices and Father saying loudly, "Regulus, you're a nice strong boy, you can do it," and Mother saying, "No, let Sirius do it, Regulus is too young for this."

The voices escalated in volume, indistinguishable from each other but still punctuating the restless air in our house. The noise all culminated in a chilling swish-thunk. I remember passing out, and being found by Aunt Elladora who shrieked at Mother, "Look at this little disgraceful heap of baggage!!! Unconscious after probably tripping himself. So incompetent!"

She sneered at me, her long mascara caked eyelashes covering most of her large blue irises, and I shuddered as she shouted in my face, "This one will never come to anything I tell you! He's just like that little traitor who married out of the pure-bloods!! Don't expect anything from him!!"

And she promply turned on her heel and disapparated.

After that the last I ever saw of Tarry was his blood covered headless body in the courtyard outside being pecked by huge black ravens.

Tarry was perhaps the only creature in the whole house who understood me. He never finished his duties, true, but he would go out of his way to sneak me some food when Mother had me locked in my room for something or other. It was always like that after Aunt Elladora left.

I supposed I used to be the favorite in the family. Mother used to spoil me, and I confess that I did, at a time, worship my mother with all the adoration I could muster in my scrawny self. Now…I know better.

Maybe I'm just bitter now…For a 10 year old, I guess I'm sort of weird, but my family is psychotic, so I guess I'm not different. Although now Mother is attempting to shape Regulus into the prime Black son that never was. I don't regret it though…and come to think of it, I never will. I can't stomach all the talk around the dinner table about the pure-bloods and the filthy Mudbloods and all that.

I guess it really all started when I was five and I ran away from home. You know, all kids go through that sort of runaway mode in which they feel that it's necessary to stay away from home for a while. They set off with their sandwiches, flashlights, blankets, and comics. Within a matter of hours however, they turn up on the doorstep again, solemnly proclaiming that they'll never leave again.

What a sad sick joke. I can't wait to leave. I tried running away because I was sick of the musty stairs and the moldy hallways. I just went out the door one day and walked down the street. I remember I was wearing my new robe, navy blue.

A voice stopped me from my walking.

"Hey, you there? Whatcha wearing?"

I turned to see a girl with thick red hair that curled over her shoulders and formed a halo of red in the sunlight. Her green eyes smiled at me and she twirled a jump rope in her hand and strolled towards me with her other hand on her hip.

"It's not Halloween, yet! That's in October, my mommy told me," she continued.

My jaw worked furiously, but I couldn't manage to get any words out.

"Uh…hi…my name is Sirius," I managed to stutter.

She smiled and grabbed my hand. Her hand fit perfectly into mine, and I felt a surge of warmth towards this newfound friend.

"Well, my name is Lily. What's your name again, Syrup?"

I laughed and told her about being named after the Dog Star, because one of my father's hobbies had been astrology.

"It's Sirius. Like, you know, serious, as in being really dull. I'm totally serious when I say I'm Sirius."

She grinned and burst out laughing. Her laugh rang out in that sunny autumn afternoon, and I spent the rest of the day trying to make her laugh.

When it was evening, I told her I had to go, and she hugged me happily, saying, "You're my best friend, Siri!" Yeah, she called me that. Nobody ever called me that. But I liked it coming from her. And when I sneaked back into the house (I hadn't even been missed, because Regulus had done something wrong, as usual), I couldn't get the music of her laugh out of my ears.

Kreacher's grating voice screeched into my thoughts again.

"You mustn't keep Mistress waiting! Young master!"

I shot him a look of dripping annoyance that shut him up, and then I proceeded downstairs to meet Mother's guests.

 ***

_It's all so clear to me…my falling…Harry looking at me, the expression on his face. I haven't let you down ever, Harry!! Just remember that! Please…Oh I need to get out of here. Well, at least my eyes work now…that's good, right? I guess talking to me is the only way I'll keep myself sane now. But oh…the things I've forgotten…why didn't I realize how much I missed, all the times I was happy and didn't appreciate it? Oh Merlin I regret it all so much now…so much…_

***

I was sitting next to who else but that blond-haired Lucius Malfoy at our oval ebony-wood dinner table. After that first time when I was 10 when the Malfoys and the Snapes had visited, since Mother had apparently invited them over for dinner, they had come over every so often because Mother, who refused to go out much, was dying for gossip and information about the wizarding (that is, pure-blood) world.

Lucius leaned over towards me and made some stupid suggestion about how we should go torture Kreacher.

I sighed, shaking my head almost imperceptibly. My hair fell into my face, and I looked up through the veil it created at Severus, who was sitting in front of me, poking at his food with his fork. It was some seafood, but the fish's head was still there and I could understand why it was that Severus wasn't eating it.

I must say, my hair was black and wild back then as it is now, and I was fiercely proud of it. I was 11, and I had gone to enough school to realize that I was fairly good-looking. Actually, in my own opinion, I was downright hot and I guess the behavior of the girls just reinforced my beliefs. They would swarm around me, giggling and laughing as I joked about the teachers. I was already a mischievous prankster, but my charisma and charm always got me out of trouble. And the girls liked me all the more for it.

I guess I really enjoyed all the attention. I definitely wasn't getting at home, since Regulus was now the established favorite of the Black household. But I could tell that Regulus was extremely jealous of me and my looks. He never benefited all that much in that department. But while I joked around, he was extremely studious. At Fremont, the pure-blood elementary school, I hung out with a group of guys who were jocks, I guess. We all played Quidditch fanatically.

Severus and Lucius weren't my friends. Lucius was a conniving little bastard who always tried to make people squirm. He was manipulative and a total suck-up, but he still had a gang of followers.

Severus on the other hand, was quiet and reserved. He came from a very pure-blood family, and he didn't have many friends at all.

He suddenly spoke up. "Hey did you guys get your Hogwarts letters?"

"Yeah, I can't wait! I'm gonna be in Slytherin like my father and…" Lucius's voice stopped at the bewildered expression on my face.

I stammered, "Hogwarts? Letter?" But I was thinking to myself the whole time, Oh please don't tell me I'm a Squib, please.

And then, even worse, I heard Mother's high-pitched shriek float over towards us from the other end of the table.

"Oh, Sirius? Yes we decided to not allow him to attend Hogwarts this year. He's just not as intelligent as Regulus, and his father and I, we decided that it would be so much better for him if we just kept him back a year…"

Severus and Lucius both stared at me, their faces showing their confusion and a little scorn. My jaw just dropped and I felt like a rock had just fallen into my stomach. What? I'm not going to Hogwarts?

A/N: Yeah sorta a cliffie but oh well…if people would review it would be so much nicer…hint hint…


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